Recently, I have been absent from most of my social media due some health issues (& other things) that I will address in another post or video. I have not decided where I would tell it yet but let’s not talk about that in this post. 😀
This was taken right outside the airport gate the day he arrived.. A whole new start for ur relationship. Will never forget how I felt that day & how he ignored me cause he was too shy from all the excitement. #fudgemylife
So, as many of you may know, I was in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) for about 3 years and he’s finally back for good. *Ecstatic YAY* It’s been amazing since it ended but I truly enjoyed my LDR and would not have traded that experience for anything else. Many of my friends kept asking me to write about my LDR and talk about how I maintained such a healthy and loving relationship till today. Truthfully, I was afraid when our LDR ended. I didn’t know what our relationship was like outside of it in the “real world”. We never really had a relationship where we were always at one place so this whole normal relationship thing is so new to us.. lol Crazy but #FACT
All this came to an end on the 22nd June 2016. That night, I could not sleep and my mom drove me to the airport while I was so nervous and excited like it was the first time I met him. My mom laughed at me and found it weird that I was nervous considering that we were already together for 3 years + by then. Haha.. He still gives me butterflies every single time he comes home from his business trips. (He travels a lot for work.. lol I thought I could escape LDR! But I guess not..) It’s okay. It reminds me of how much I appreciate him and love him. I honestly thought that not seeing him for 6 days was peanuts considering the longest we did not see each other was almost 11 months but I truly missed him and felt weird not having him around. So, maybe you can go through LDR for a really long time but you’ll never really get used to being apart even if it were just for a week.. I definitely was not prepared for that. 🙂
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of LDR shall we?
Let me be honest here, it was the toughest shit I had to go through.. *lol* BUT.. I loved most of it and we truly spent every time we had trying to make the distance less obvious. Did it work? 😛 Haha.. Well, in many ways it did. I am not claiming to be a pro at this whole LDR thing but I’ll just share a few tips from my own experience. Considering that our LDR was a successful one, it’s definitely something to shout about! 😀 Not many people make it through the distance so I am actually really proud of us and how we handled everything throughout our relationship that got us here today. Before I dive into this, let me just say… WE MOVED IN TOGETHER! ♥ I have not even planned our housewarming party. Someday soon when I have more time on my hands. I’m too busy with our nutty puppy called Haley.. Actually, I’ve become one of those crazy furkid parents and my puppy has her own Instagram account @haley.spaniel. Haha.. She’s an American Cocker Spaniel & she’s very naughty. But we love her to bits.. 💓💕
Ok, back to LDR. I tend to always go off tracks.. lol Just bear with me k. So, what did we do right that our LDR worked out for us? I can’t guarantee that what I’m about to write about will help EVERYONE cause everyone’s relationship is very different so just take what I say with a pinch of salt. These are things I learnt in my relationship.
- You should never have unrealistic expectations from your relationship.This goes to all kinds of relationships, not exclusively LDR. I feel like these days, many people read crappy articles on Thought Catalog & start fantasizing about the perfect relationship/relationship goals. (Eg: 10 things your partner does that makes him a keeper/16 actions your partner does that means he loves you) Make your own relationship your #goals. If everyone’s relationship’s success depends on a list you read online, then what’s your relationship based on really? Build a good foundation for your relationship, do not expect your relationship to fit a specific guideline because it never will. Just be happy about your relationship and work with what you have.I’m actually not the cheesy romance type of person although I really enjoy reading sappy romance novels. lol But I make my own efforts to show that I love my man. I don’t make cards or DIY crap because honestly, I don’t know how people have that kind of patience and time to do something that can only be appreciated and not used. Then it’ll be chucked at the corner of the room & only opened once in a blue moon. ?? I really admire the effort that goes into it though. I’m just not that type of person. lol I think I mostly show my love through actions and so does Nich. He does not buy me flowers, make me cards or buy me presents every monthsary/anniversary but he does so much more to show me that he loves me. He cooks for me, he calls me to make sure I’m ok while he’s at work, he never fails to pick up my calls, he would drive me anywhere, etc. People say these are the little things that matter but honestly, these aren’t the little things. It’s the big ones. 🙂 The little things are what money can buy. He never has to say the words I Love You and I would not be insecure because I just know he does. But.. He does say it everyday. Hehe
- Do NOT cause your partner to feel “jealous”/”insecure” intentionally or unintentionally.
I know a lot of people who “act out” when their partner does not have time for them or is too busy for them. They act our by talking to other guys/girls or hang out with them just to make their partners jealous. DO NOT DO THIS! Actions like this are so toxic for your relationship because even if nothing happened, it creates this huge insecurity that causes doubts and trust issues. Once this starts, it can only grow bigger and there’s no turning back. You cannot undo or erase insecurities. :)Nich has never done anything throughout our relationship to make me jealous honestly. I think I can be a very jealous person but I barely ever felt that way throughout this 3 years and 5 months. I think this is crucial in an LDR because the distance can cause insecurities to blow out of proportion. Distance just causes a lot of friction.
- Remember that fights are always worse with the distance. Learn to let it go..
I think a lot of the time, LDR fights are always caused by misunderstandings and differences in personalities. This tend to always be the case in newer relationships because you are just starting to really get to know your partners idiosyncrasies and etc. You are not always going to agree with your partner and you should know that it is okay. It is okay to have different opinions and perceptions. There is no point trying to make them see your point if they don’t the first time and if you are the one on the other end that does not understand their point of view either, learn to understand and respect their different opinions too. Misunderstandings are like the major causes of fights IMO. I feel like with all the friction distance brings to the table, having to use social media platforms to communicate just adds on the already tense situation. Sometimes text messages seem vague/short/uninteresting/whatever other reason that would just make us so annoyed. Or the way they say a certain something that just pushes our buttons.. Just know that, your partner loves you. He/she would not have said what they said if they knew it would hurt your feelings and just learn to forgive them and move on. Learn to say it’s ok. I know you did not mean it that way, it’s just that I don’t appreciate it at all. Learn to be mature about fights. There is no point in screaming at your partner or just arguing for HOURS because it’s seriously not worth it. Especially if your time zones are extremely different, at least one person cannot afford the time to argue.. lol For example, Nich stayed in France so the time difference was at least 7 hours. If it was 11pm for me, it would be 4pm for him where he would be busy having classes and I would have to go to bed soon. Imagine the argument going on for the next 3 hours?! I would have no time to sleep if my classes started at 8am. So seriously.. Nobody got time for that shit. Learn to talk things out like adults or just let it go.Nich and I do not always agree on various topics. We just learnt to understand that it is okay to not always agree with each other for the sake of it. It’s actually liberating that you do not always have to agree with your partner’s opinions. 🙂 We barely ever fight anymore and even if we did, it would be solved very quickly cause I just hate arguments. I would rather spend time with him than being angry.
- Some of your fights will be about other people and not always about your relationship.
Many fights are going to be about someone else. A friend’s opinion/interference/relationship with you or about families and how you cannot agree with some of the things they say/do/are. Just know that these are problems that cannot be solved. Both should just learn to put the relationship as priority and ignore the other problems because they can be so petty. Petty arguments can become monstrous arguments too you know. 🙂 Just avoid it at all cost. Family & Friends drama is not your responsibility to fix/settle. Nothing will change those problems.
- Pet peeves and all that annoys you.
Well.. If you’re in a relationship already, I don’t really know what you can do about those pet peeves that your partner does that annoys the hell out of you. lol I would advice people to choose someone whose flaws they can accept and live with. I guess you just got to learn to get used t it. 😛 Trust me, you do things that annoys your partner to. It’s bound to happen. I laugh it off.. Haha Nich is super annoying but it a fun way. Know that you make the decisions in your life. You decided what annoys you and what doesn’t..
- Make time.I don’t know how to say this enough but one of the major reasons why people leave their long distance relationships because they grew apart. This can happen even to the best of relationships. You need to make time for your partners. Nich leaves Skype on for me 24/7. Even if he’s out for classes or with his friends, he leaves Skype on for me and never fails to text me or call me whenever he has the time to. It makes me feel like he’s there even when he’s not. When we do spend time, we talk about our days, we watch Korean dramas, TV series and movies.. He even looks up for games on STEAM for us to play together.. Just do things together. It does not have to be every day but it is important that it happens at least weekly. At least talk for a couple of hours every day. 😀 I enjoy talking to him most. Never a moment of silence.. lol Yes, we can’t shut up & I don’t see it as a bad thing.
- You will fight when there’s just too much free time. Go out and spend time with other people and keep yourself occupied.
When you are on a break or your partner is on a break, the worst thing you can do is wait at home for them to come online or call you. That wait will make you annoyed and cause you to argue over the simplest of things. When you have too much free time on your hands, your brain tends to wander.. Then it starts thinking about stupid things that would make you ask stupid questions that would ultimately result in an argument. You’ll get really bored too and it’s just not healthy. Go out and have a good time. At least then you’ll have something interesting to talk about and keep you occupied. So the best thing you can do for your LDR is to also have your own life that does not revolve around your relationship.
- You are not always going to be IN LOVE with your partner.
Some days you are going to feel annoyed/agitated at your partner. You’re not always going to be lovey dovey or in love with your partner. Trust me, as weird as this sounds, IT IS OKAY! You do not have to always be IN LOVE with your partner. Some days you’re just going to not feel it but a healthy and happy relationship always makes you fall in love again and again. Maybe not on that very same day but know that it’s just a phase. Hormonal or not.. lol I tend to feel out of love before my period so.. IT’S HORMONAL for me at least. Haha..
- Make adventures, have fun, travel.
Before you say that not everyone has the means to travel, please know that I meant budget travel. Travel to nearby places or within your country. Travel in your city and explore.. I believe that travelling actually helps build a healthy relationship because it test a lot of your patience and helps the both of you build more happy memories. I learnt a lot during my travels and one of it is… I CAN NEVER TRUST NICH WITH A MAP/DIRECTIONS! LOL I swear, he got me lost in Paris for hours. I WAS WALKING AIMLESSLY FOR HOURS! But.. I really enjoyed exploring the city.. lol I was not angry. I just laughed at how idiotic he can be with directions. He kept telling me that everything in Paris is nearby and refused to let me take the stupid subway.. So I WALKED & WALKED till I almost died. Thanks a lot sweetie. I ended up going home with at least 6 extra travel tickets! What even.. 😂 Well, luckily for us, those tickets don’t expire so I can use it the next time I’m there. I swear, I’m taking the subway the next time. No more walking in weird alleys and passing through gardens/parks.
- Learn not to be so serious.
Just know that happiness is a choice. 😁 It’s much better to be easygoing and laugh about things than to be so serious and upset at everything. Once you learn to laugh about things, I guarantee you, your fights will be so minimal. Things that used to upset me don’t anymore because I just find the humor in things nowadays.. That’s what Nich taught me. He’s a good influence.. Teehee.
I honestly think our LDR helped us progress to many other stages in my relationship. I was just talking to my friend, Samantha about this and she said something that really made sense to me. She mentioned that when we have LDR and when we visit/live with our partners, it brings our relationship to a whole other level because you experience so much more and you literally take care of each other on your travels and when you’re together. Unlike a normal relationship, you go out on a date and it ends there. Then you go home, continue your daily activities and the routine continues. It’s a little harder for that kind of relationship to progress to the next levels (especially if you’re really young) as fast as an LDR does. 😀 So people going through LDR, this is a huge positive ok? Stay strong and I believe my whole experience was so worth it and so will yours. ♥ I cannot believe I get to tell my success story when everyone in the past was rooting for us to fail.. So this post is actually very meaningful to me la.. 😋 xxx